American comedian (1894-1956)
With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
FRED ALLEN
Treadmill to Oblivion
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, New York Magazine, Mar. 21, 1994
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes